I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
