So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Randomize
