he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Never underestimate the power of titties
that is very illegal...i love you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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