so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
