yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
