I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
