so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think your dad took our porno
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
