trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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