All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
