Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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