I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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