bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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