Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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