dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
