Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
