Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sext me about skeletons
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
