Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
