did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
