My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
