i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Your penis caused this!
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