I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
