you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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