you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
