Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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