I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize