wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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