I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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