You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
