We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
