I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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