I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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