You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize