That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
