tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
