Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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