Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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