somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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