Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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