I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
All I want is dick and wine.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
