Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
