I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Michael Bay diarrhea
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We need to get me chipped asap
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
