two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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