So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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