i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
