the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
