we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
