He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
