did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
