Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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