can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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