Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
