pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
