It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you would pick up someone in the library
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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