so explain again why im purple
no
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
