It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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