I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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