Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
