we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
