He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
