my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
not ubering you a puppy
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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