I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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