So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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