I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
ok first of all what the fuck
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
