honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just threw up on my dentist
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
