I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
