honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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