I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
