Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
