A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
