I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
