I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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