I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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