Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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