wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
