Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize